Some of us spend a lot of time thinking about the relationships we have with significant others but little time thinking about the ones we have with ourselves. Our self-relationship takes time and effort just like any other. That’s where self-love comes in. It doesn’t need to take a lot of funds to show yourself love, just a commitment. Here are a few ideas to get started.
Don’t compare. In a world of social media, it’s easy to compare ourselves, and our lives, to others. This is one of the most deadly attacks against self-love. You just can’t respect yourself and feel that you are enough if you constantly find yourself as less than another person. Keep this in mind the next time someone else’s accomplishments leave you feeling bad about yourself.
Literally be nice to yourself. Have you ever really noticed what your inner dialogue is like? Do you beat yourself up for mistakes? Do you tell yourself you can’t win? It’s easy to be tough on yourself. Instead, change how you think about talking to yourself. Would you talk to someone you loved in the same way? If you’ve only had not-so-healthy relationships, how about what you would say to someone you admire? Work to talk to yourself with the same kindness.
Just say no. To show yourself love, it’s best to strike a balance between what you do for others and saying enough’s enough. It makes you feel good about yourself when you help others, but not to the point of overwhelm or exhaustion. This can be particularly difficult for parents who need to tend to children. Wherever you can, pay attention to your body and mind getting tired and just say no to that extra outing or commitment.
Follow through. Along the same lines, sometimes it’s easiest to break our commitments to ourselves in order to help someone else. When we do this, we demonstrate that we are not a priority to ourselves. Think about how a partner would feel if we constantly broke commitments this way. Your significant other would grow tired of you not making them a priority and eventually learn to not trust you. It’s the same with yourself. So, pay attention to the next time you quickly break a commitment you made to yourself (like going to the gym or making a healthy dinner).
Adopt a nightly ritual. This one can really be fun and ultimately healthy for you. We all have tons to do every day, and these tasks can easily spill into the late hours of an evening. So, the best you can, set a time you will unplug every night, and start by literally unplugging from your computer, phone, and television. After that, put into your routine the things that are self-loving to you. Some examples are hot baths, self-massage, facials, saunas, reading, and meditating. Do these things intentionally and thank your body for everything it does for you every day.
Recognize what’s working. It’s really easy to notice what is going wrong in our lives, isn’t it? Why? Because these things demand our attention. They need “fixing.” So instead, intentionally make a list of things that are working for you because they can get lost in the busyness and stresses of life. Take out paper or write in your journal all of the things that are working well in your life. This will cultivate gratitude for what you have and accept everything that’s going well and creates an atmosphere where it’s easier to show self-love.
Clean your closets. Sorting through your closets and getting rid of things you’ve outgrown or are out of style is about more than making space for newer stuff. If we keep too many things from our history, we can stay attached to the energy of those things, and that energy might be negative. You also stay stuck in the past. When you love yourself, you know that the best of your life is still to come.
Use the good stuff. If you’re like many people, you have those special things around the house that you only use for special occasions. For some, that’s family dish ware or for others, it may be expensive makeup you only wear on nights out. To show self-love, think about every day being a special day. Are you saving an outfit for a weekend on the town? Wear it as your outfit to run errands instead and see how your mood changes. It’s just another way to demonstrate that every day is a gift and special and you are special as well.
Indulge. Beautifying your space also makes you feel good. Don’t wait for someone else to do things like buying you flowers. Instead, get them for yourself and brighten up your home with a fresh bouquet of flowers every week. Flowers are one of the easiest ways to add color and good scents to your space. Things like this impact your senses and add to the layers where you can show yourself care and love.
Show how you feel. If you don’t have loving people around you where you feel safe to show your emotions, these feelings can get bottled up, and you can start to feel they don’t matter. On the contrary, your feelings are as important as anyone else’s. Showing how you feel can involve other loved ones, but if you don’t have a safe person to do this with, try expressing yourself in a journal or to a mentor or counselor. Working through what you’re feeling is important and you deserve it.
